Biscuit Explosion or Doughy jellyfish from outerspace

Lately i've been listening to a lot of John Denver. Mostly his live album and more specifically side C of the record. Did you even know that there is a sequel to "Annie's Song"? Me either... But I love it... Nay I NEED to listen to it on a daily basis now. It’s really reflective of where I am in my life right now in so many ways especially my relationship with God.*see lyrics at bottom-o-pageWith school starting and work really weighing on me i've allowed my spirit to become crushed. I've felt more like a zombie version of myself the last week or two... I deplore zombies. I look at my close friends and they too seem miserable in different aspects of their lives whether it's work, relationship problems (lack thereof), or facing the difficulty of being isolated in a distant place. Oh, how I hate it more than a mob full of zombies and their brain-eating ways. Stress sucks me in so fast that it's not until much later I realize that i've been bit and am walking around an empty hollow shell of my former self without concern for anyone else's life or problems. I've become so caught up in my search for brains (hang with me we're sticking to the zombie reference if it kills me.. ) that i've drug others down with me to the undead level; When I should be encouraging them in them in their time of need. Where did I go wrong? At what point in the last two weeks did I stumble into the Thriller video? I feel a flashback dance sequence coming on…. But that is for a later time. I think the root of the problem is that I’m not spending much time in The Word. I’ve sacrificed my quiet time for additional (definitely much needed) sleep. So I’m attempting to correct that now. Also, since classes have started I have no longer been able to attend my connection group. :( and I miss that candid interaction about God, His word, and most importantly how He is actively working in everyone’s lives. I feel isolated now. I’m so busy at work I don’t have time (in my mind) to interact with co-workers because I’ll get even more behind then I already am. Starting school again has really made me think. Why in the world am I back at school? The answer is simple- years from now I want to be able to say I accomplished something. I have discovered a disturbing pattern within my self that I hope to correct. I never complete things I find to be challenging, difficult, or hard work. It’s always been easier for me to give up.Piano, gymnastics, karate, dance- I did not want to practice. College- I was expected to do work and attend class (boring) Relationships- involve work and patience. With all of these things I have lacked the discipline to be successful.I’ve been in class for two weeks and on my first day I actually thought to myself “I’m going to get up and walk out” right in the middle of class. I was sick today didn’t go into work but I had my Tuesday night class. I had to make myself get up and drive to Edmond and even when I was within 15 feet of the Business building I stopped and considered going home. Why? Why do I do this to myself? Could it possibly be some sick subconscious form sabotage? It has to be. What if a relationship actually worked out? What if I graduated (I’m the first one in my family to even attend a college) college? With all this said I want you to know I’m scared. Absolutely terrified; I know what I want now and I’m setting goals that, Lord willing, I will meet. Please pray for me that God in His unlimited wisdom will strengthen me and steer me in the right direction. Annie's other song ----->(no really that's the title)"I'm bringing me home to you, that's all that I have to give,my life, my love, my everything, it's you I choose to be with.Had a wonderful time in the city, I smile when I recall.The space, the songs, the company, I really had a ball.It's a funny set of circumstances, sends me out on the road alone.With the moon looking over my shoulder, I'm finding my way back home.I'm bringing me home to you, that's all that I have to give.My life, my love, my everything, it's you I choose to be with.Riding high in the Rocky Mountains, they're quiet and peaceful times.I'd swear the stars are smiling like they know what's on my mind.You see, on any such an occasion, my thoughts will turn to you.The time I spend all by myself I mostly spend with you.I'm bringing me home to you, that's all that I have to give.My life, my love, my everything, it's you I choose to be with.When I lay down beside you, all the love that you show.I wanna live my life with you, it's all the dreams that I know.I'm bringing me home to you, that's all that I have to give.My life, my love, my everything, it's you I choose to be with,it's you I choose to be with, it's you I choose to be with, it's you I choose to be with."~~~Amanda